Not Who You Are, But Who You Are With: Re-examining Women’s Less Satisfying Sexual Debuts

Gender differences in appraisals of first intercourse are among the largest in sexuality research, with women indicating less satisfying “sexual debuts” than men. Dispositional or “actor-level” explanations for this gender gap are pervasive, yet research has largely examined heterosexual debuts in which actor gender and partner gender are confounded. We assessed whether women’s less satisfying sexual debuts are better explained by actor gender or partner gender, comparing experiences of women who debuted with men (WDM) with those of men and women who debuted with women (MDW, WDW). Retrospective accounts of sexual debut were collected from 3033 adults. At first intercourse, we found that WDW had equal physical and emotional satisfaction to MDW, and more satisfaction than WDM, suggesting satisfaction gaps owing to partner gender, not actor gender. This pattern did not extend to a comparison event (first masturbation), where WDW and WDM had similar satisfaction, but less satisfaction than MDW, suggesting an actor gender gap. To identify sources of satisfaction gaps, we probed for corresponding differences in the circumstances of sexual debut. Sexual circumstances were more strongly implicated than nonsexual ones, with relative deprivation of glans stimulation explaining relative dissatisfaction at first intercourse, but not first masturbation, and orgasm explaining it at both. Findings challenge the view that the satisfaction gap at first intercourse reflects an inherent difference between genders. Indeed, they demonstrate similarities when partner gender does not differ and suggest strategies for ensuring equal sexual satisfaction—and equal sexual rights realization—at (hetero) sexual debut.